I have been a therapist in some capacity for half of my life. So the idea of seeking therapy is not strange to me. But I sometimes forget how intimidating it can be to get started with a therapist. It’s tough enough to make the decision to go, but then how do you find the right one?
Unfortunately, not all therapists are good therapists. While many professionals are dedicated, ethical, and well-trained, there are some who lack boundaries, use ineffective approaches, or even cause harm. If you’ve had a bad experience with therapy before, I want to acknowledge how frustrating and disheartening that can be. The good news is that therapy, when done well, can be truly transformative. The key is knowing what to look for. Here are seven factors I recommend considering when seeking a therapist:
1. Licensure
Make sure the therapist you choose has the appropriate licensure to practice in your state. A valid license indicates that the person has met the necessary education and training requirements. Licenses must be renewed periodically, which ensures that therapists continue their professional development and remain in good ethical standing. If a therapist is unlicensed or has had their license revoked, consider it a red flag.
2. Theoretical Base
A good therapist is not just a “rent-a-friend” to talk to but has a conceptual framework guiding their approach. Effective therapy is based on established theories, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Psychodynamic Therapy, Humanistic Therapy, or Integrative approaches. The specific theory matters less than the fact that your therapist has a grounded approach that informs their work with you.
3. Affirming and Non-Judgmental
You should feel accepted and supported by your therapist. While everyone has personal values, a therapist should never impose theirs onto you. Therapy should be a space where you can be fully honest without fear of judgment. Unfortunately, I have heard from clients who felt criticized or misunderstood by past therapists, which prevented them from making progress. If you ever feel like you’re censoring yourself out of fear of disapproval, it may be time to seek a different therapist.
4. Strong Rapport
The therapeutic relationship is one of the most important factors in effective therapy. You don’t need to be best friends with your therapist, but you do need to feel a sense of connection and trust. Sometimes, you’ll feel this right away, while other times it takes a few sessions to develop. However, if you consistently feel disconnected or uncomfortable, it’s okay to seek a therapist with whom you can build a stronger rapport.
5. Ethics and Boundaries
Therapists are required to follow ethical guidelines to protect clients and maintain professionalism. Unfortunately, some therapists cross boundaries—whether by making therapy about themselves, engaging in dual relationships, or behaving inappropriately. These are major red flags. A therapist should never make you feel uncomfortable, pressured, or like their personal confidant. If you have concerns, you can check your state’s licensing board for any complaints or violations.
6. Goal-Oriented Approach
Effective therapy should have clear goals. While discussing the crisis of the moment is sometimes necessary, therapy should also help you work toward deeper, lasting change. Your therapist should help you identify goals and track progress over time. If therapy feels directionless and unproductive, it may not be the right fit.
7. Active Participation
Therapy is not a passive process where talking alone leads to change. The real work happens in your daily life as you apply insights and strategies from sessions. Think of therapy as a huddle in a football game—you strategize, then you go back out on the field and take action. A good therapist will empower you to make meaningful changes outside of sessions.
Recognizing and Avoiding Bad Therapists
Unfortunately, some therapists are ineffective or even harmful. Here are a few warning signs:
- They talk about themselves more than they focus on you.
- They judge or shame you for your experiences.
- They violate boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable.
- They don’t listen or seem distracted during sessions.
- They discourage you from seeking outside support or alternative perspectives.
- They fail to explain their approach or lack a clear direction.
If you’ve ever had an experience with a bad therapist, you’re not alone. Many people have had to seek out multiple therapists before finding the right fit. If you want to learn more about what makes a therapist ineffective—or even harmful—you may find this article helpful: Therapy is Good. These Therapists are Bad.
Final Thoughts
Finding the right therapist can take time, but it’s worth the effort. A strong therapeutic relationship can be life-changing, providing support, insight, and tools to help you navigate challenges. If you’ve had a bad experience in the past, don’t let it discourage you from trying again. The right therapist is out there, and when you find them, the benefits of therapy can be truly profound.